he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
