I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
