butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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