Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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