Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
