Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
