just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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