Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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