I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
