I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Four minutes until I can fart!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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