i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
