i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
