Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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