I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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