Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
