hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
