I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize