She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
