Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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