After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
