Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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