He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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