No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
