She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
