I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
