I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
