People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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