like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
