i just google imaged poop.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just invented taco cereal.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
