I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
