I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
