Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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