dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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