Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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