Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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