if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
