I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
