Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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