lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
