i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
