apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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