True but thats because hes a fetus.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize