did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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