Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
