There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
