So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
