I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
