there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
