problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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