Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
