God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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