is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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