therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
