So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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