there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
