I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
