You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
