I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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