you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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