it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
