So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
