Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Best friends brother. Beat that.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
