Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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